1 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:05,127 On tonight's Top Gear, 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,960 Richard Hammond in a V8 tumble dryer. 3 00:00:09,493 --> 00:00:12,060 The classiest way to bankrupt yourself. 4 00:00:13,927 --> 00:00:16,860 And we turn up the heat on the world's dullest car. 5 00:00:21,027 --> 00:00:23,827 Hello, and may I say how nice it is to be back, 6 00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:28,960 especially as 2003 is likely to be a vintage year for cars. 7 00:00:28,993 --> 00:00:33,127 Honestly, you will not believe the list of what's coming. 8 00:01:08,293 --> 00:01:12,093 And it's not all big expensive, tyre-shredding stuff either. 9 00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:15,793 There's a trend towards small, affordable, fun cars, 10 00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:19,393 stuff that looks good at four mph in a traffic jam. 11 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:22,193 I mean, take this Volkswagen Beetle Cabriolet. 12 00:01:22,227 --> 00:01:24,327 It's a prime example. Okay? 13 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,103 I mean, it's not the fastest car in the world. 14 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:29,127 Not even the fastest car in this part of the studio, to be honest. 15 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:32,860 And the roof folding arrangement is a bit... unfortunate. 16 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:38,603 But it has four seats, it costs £15,000, and look at it! 17 00:01:38,627 --> 00:01:41,627 And then there's the Ford StreetKa. 18 00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:45,727 Now, this has a top speed of 12.5 mph. 19 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:50,603 But that's okay, because it only costs 12.5p. 20 00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:54,760 The most intriguing car, though, is that. 21 00:01:54,793 --> 00:01:56,827 It's the Smart Roadster. 22 00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:59,060 Now, some cars are rock'n'roll. 23 00:01:59,093 --> 00:02:02,893 Some cars are the 1812 Overture. 24 00:02:02,927 --> 00:02:05,493 This is a pop video. 25 00:02:28,127 --> 00:02:31,360 In the trendiest parts of the trendiest postcodes 26 00:02:31,393 --> 00:02:33,493 of the trendiest city in Britain, 27 00:02:33,527 --> 00:02:36,693 this car looks sensational. 28 00:02:42,393 --> 00:02:48,293 And because it's only £13,500, no one thinks you're a rich git. 29 00:02:48,327 --> 00:02:54,793 It's the kind of car that makes people go, "Ah!", rather than "Ugh!" 30 00:02:58,427 --> 00:03:01,160 The thing is, though, if fashion accessories are going to work, 31 00:03:01,193 --> 00:03:04,193 they have to have a real-world application. 32 00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:06,603 A watch, for example. It's no good at being just pretty watch, 33 00:03:06,627 --> 00:03:08,327 it has to work in space. 34 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,893 A Range Rover has to work on an Alp, even if you live in Kettering. 35 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:14,660 A training shoe has to work in the gym, 36 00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:17,027 even if you never get out of the pub. 37 00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:20,427 So it's no good the Smart being all rinky-dinky in Camden. 38 00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:24,127 If it's gonna have any street cred whatsoever, 39 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,160 it has to work out here. 40 00:03:28,727 --> 00:03:31,827 It's got to be a proper sports car. 41 00:03:32,393 --> 00:03:33,627 So is it? 42 00:03:43,627 --> 00:03:45,993 On paper, things don't look brilliant. 43 00:03:46,027 --> 00:03:49,227 It may make all the right growly noises, 44 00:03:50,693 --> 00:03:54,827 but it's powered by a 3-cylinder, 600cc engine. 45 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:58,427 My Moulinex Magimix has a bigger motor than that. 46 00:04:00,293 --> 00:04:01,993 Sure, the Smart has a turbo charger, 47 00:04:02,027 --> 00:04:07,827 but you still only get 80 bhp. So this, then, is not a fast car. 48 00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:12,760 In fact, it has exactly the same top speed as Henry VIII. 49 00:04:15,227 --> 00:04:20,127 In terms of acceleration, you go from 0-60, but only just. 50 00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:29,060 I tried timing it, but after 11 seconds, I got bored. 51 00:04:42,627 --> 00:04:43,893 Then you've got the 52 00:04:43,927 --> 00:04:47,693 6-speed sequential Formula One-style gearbox, 53 00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:51,393 which operates exactly like one of those new-fangled digital cameras, 54 00:04:51,427 --> 00:04:55,027 you know, where you push the button, and then 10 seconds later, 55 00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:58,660 just as your subject moves away, it takes the picture. 56 00:04:58,693 --> 00:04:59,793 Ready, foot down... 57 00:05:01,893 --> 00:05:03,027 And here we go. 58 00:05:04,427 --> 00:05:05,793 Useless! 59 00:05:10,193 --> 00:05:11,993 It rather looks, then, like 60 00:05:12,027 --> 00:05:17,427 the Smart Roadster misses the sports car mark by 100 miles. 61 00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:20,027 However, have a look at this. 62 00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:21,760 Push a button... 63 00:05:21,793 --> 00:05:24,060 And the middle part of the roof 64 00:05:24,093 --> 00:05:28,027 slides back electrically into a little cubbyhole 65 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,627 in the engine compartment. 66 00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:33,893 And then I simply take these out, 67 00:05:33,927 --> 00:05:35,760 and obviously the same on the other side, 68 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:37,660 and we've got a full convertible. 69 00:05:37,693 --> 00:05:40,627 However, the weather today is a bit too British, 70 00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:43,827 so if you don't mind, I'm just going to, um... 71 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:46,793 I'll just pop it back. 72 00:05:48,627 --> 00:05:49,793 See ya. 73 00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:03,827 There's more good stuff, too. 74 00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:06,693 This car may not be fast, but it feels so much more alive 75 00:06:06,727 --> 00:06:10,527 than any million-horsepower heavyweight BMW. 76 00:06:12,193 --> 00:06:13,993 I wanted to hate it. 77 00:06:14,027 --> 00:06:18,960 I wanted to laugh at its pathetic performance and call it a wet fraud, 78 00:06:18,993 --> 00:06:22,093 but it's so responsive and such a giggle 79 00:06:22,127 --> 00:06:25,160 that it puts an enormous smile on your face! 80 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,893 It's fantastic! 81 00:06:37,893 --> 00:06:40,060 I like the styling, I like the interior, 82 00:06:40,093 --> 00:06:42,760 I like the traction control, and the CD player, 83 00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:43,960 and the air conditioning. 84 00:06:43,993 --> 00:06:45,360 I like the way these dials 85 00:06:45,393 --> 00:06:47,427 sprout out of the dashboard. 86 00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:48,727 And I love the space. 87 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:52,093 I mean, I'm not small, but look, look at that! 88 00:06:52,127 --> 00:06:54,427 About four inches of headroom there. 89 00:06:56,893 --> 00:06:58,493 Ooh, and there's something else. 90 00:06:58,527 --> 00:07:01,527 Remember who it is that makes Smarts? 91 00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:06,493 You can buy one of these things and tell people that you drive 92 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,993 a mid-engine, rear-wheel drive, 93 00:07:09,027 --> 00:07:14,227 turbo-charged, convertible Mercedes Benz. 94 00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:18,993 Mercedes own Smart. They may make them in France, but this is a Mercedes. 95 00:07:21,227 --> 00:07:25,393 And there's more. It's cheap to insure, it does 40 miles to the gallon, 96 00:07:25,427 --> 00:07:31,760 and it costs almost nothing to replace those plastic body panels if you crash. 97 00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:35,060 Not that it goes fast enough to have a crash. 98 00:07:36,027 --> 00:07:37,993 So, it works. 99 00:07:38,027 --> 00:07:41,603 It's a fashion accessory, it's a piece of automotive jewellry, 100 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:45,927 and it's like those light, whizzy sports cars from the '50s and '60s, 101 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,893 Austin Healeys and Triumph TRs and MGs and so on. 102 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:53,527 It's a proper, undiluted, sports car. 103 00:07:57,893 --> 00:08:00,027 - I wouldn't buy one. - I thought you liked it. 104 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:03,960 I do. But I'm going to outline now a few problems, okay? 105 00:08:03,993 --> 00:08:05,460 We'll start with the boot. 106 00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:08,860 There isn't one! I mean, there isn't one. 107 00:08:08,893 --> 00:08:11,269 - It's under here. - No, there's no point looking. That's your lot. 108 00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:15,527 It's basically a sort of baking tray above the engine, really. 109 00:08:15,627 --> 00:08:19,227 It's okay if you've got a handful of roast potatoes to carry around with you, 110 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:21,227 - but otherwise, useless. - Yeah. 111 00:08:21,260 --> 00:08:24,093 However, look at this. 112 00:08:24,127 --> 00:08:27,293 This is the Smart Roadster Coupe. 113 00:08:27,327 --> 00:08:30,427 Same engine, same roof arrangement, same everything. 114 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:33,427 But if we open the back... 115 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:37,160 Enough space for a whole sack full of King Edwards! 116 00:08:37,193 --> 00:08:39,003 There you go, then. That's your car, what's your problem? 117 00:08:39,027 --> 00:08:41,660 - Nope, I wouldn't buy this either. - Because? 118 00:08:41,693 --> 00:08:43,393 I'll tell you why, okay? 119 00:08:43,427 --> 00:08:46,093 You can buy one of these with left-hand drive in Britain, 120 00:08:46,127 --> 00:08:48,660 you don't have to go to Germany or Luxemburg for it, 121 00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:51,660 left-hand drive, for less than £10,000. 122 00:08:51,693 --> 00:08:53,533 It's not quite as powerful as the British ones, 123 00:08:53,627 --> 00:08:55,893 and you don't get quite so many toys, but... 124 00:08:55,927 --> 00:08:59,160 Why are we paying half as much again 125 00:08:59,193 --> 00:09:02,927 to have the steering wheel on our side? The right side, the proper side. 126 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,793 I mean, I love the car, I just don't like being ripped off by Germans. 127 00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:09,627 It's made in France. It's made in France! 128 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,427 Yeah, Vichy France. 129 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:16,260 The thing for me is still that gearbox. It's just hopeless. 130 00:09:16,293 --> 00:09:17,993 The moment builds up, the revs rise, 131 00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:22,393 - you hit the lever, and... - it pauses with you and waits. 132 00:09:22,427 --> 00:09:24,293 Nothing happens for so long. 133 00:09:24,327 --> 00:09:26,093 The thing is it's a gearbox. 134 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:29,393 - Okay? It has one job to do. One job. - Exactly. 135 00:09:29,427 --> 00:09:34,603 Pull the lever... "Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? 136 00:09:34,627 --> 00:09:39,227 "Am I a nuclear power sta... I'm a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I must swap some cogs around!" 137 00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:40,760 It takes forever. 138 00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:42,603 Precisely. It's not like it's working through a list. 139 00:09:42,627 --> 00:09:44,169 And the problem is, you're gonna be using it a lot, 140 00:09:44,193 --> 00:09:47,127 because obviously with that buzzy little 600cc engine, 141 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,293 - you're changing gear all the time. - I was wrong. 142 00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:51,093 Admission time. 143 00:09:51,127 --> 00:09:54,060 - It's actually a 700cc engine, makes all the difference. - Ah, well... 144 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,660 It's 0.7 of a litre. 145 00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:57,327 Yeah, that is still very small, 146 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,893 - and it still has Hugh Grant as a gearbox. - Yeah. 147 00:10:00,927 --> 00:10:04,960 It's a pity, really. 'Cause we like the Smart, but we think not. 148 00:10:04,993 --> 00:10:07,493 And that gives us another problem. 149 00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:09,393 Because, you see, you can't have 150 00:10:09,427 --> 00:10:12,093 the Volkswagen Beetle either. 151 00:10:12,127 --> 00:10:14,727 And let me explain why, okay? 152 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,293 Now, with most convertibles, 153 00:10:16,327 --> 00:10:19,760 the windscreen is sort of here. 154 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:22,160 But this is like a convertible people-carrier! 155 00:10:22,193 --> 00:10:26,027 Got this huge dashboard that people can play football on. 156 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,860 You need binoculars to see if the wipers are working! 157 00:10:30,027 --> 00:10:32,293 And that leaves us with the Ford StreetKa. 158 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:34,493 Now, it is a very, very good little car. 159 00:10:34,527 --> 00:10:37,660 It does everything it sets out to do, and it does it very well. 160 00:10:37,693 --> 00:10:43,160 But you cannot possibly drive this car if you're a man. 161 00:10:43,993 --> 00:10:45,693 Seriously! 162 00:10:45,727 --> 00:10:50,393 Look, there's a man in the car, and he's clearly wearing a dress! 163 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,793 Is he not? 164 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,603 Are there any men here who would think of buying this car? 165 00:10:56,627 --> 00:10:58,060 Precisely. Would you, anybody? 166 00:10:58,093 --> 00:10:59,427 No! 167 00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,160 Okay now, this being the Top Gear audience, 168 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,603 you're all car enthusiasts, 169 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:05,193 so I know you haven't got wives or girlfriends. 170 00:11:05,227 --> 00:11:06,927 So you brought your sisters with you. 171 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,393 What about the girls? 172 00:11:08,427 --> 00:11:11,660 Hands up, all the girls who would like to have this car. 173 00:11:11,693 --> 00:11:12,769 Oh, it's sort of... That's why... 174 00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,627 Are there any girls who wouldn't? 175 00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:16,327 - You? - I would. 176 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,193 Well, put your hand up, then! It's not a difficult instruction. 177 00:11:19,227 --> 00:11:21,667 That's the trouble. Brothers and sisters, they're all related. 178 00:11:24,327 --> 00:11:26,103 I was talking the other day to a guy from Ford. 179 00:11:26,127 --> 00:11:27,627 I don't know who he was. Wore a suit. 180 00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:29,660 Had biscuits and meetings. 181 00:11:29,693 --> 00:11:34,627 Anyway, he said 80% of these are gonna be sold to women. 182 00:11:35,693 --> 00:11:37,493 So who's gonna buy the other 20%? 183 00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:43,603 So, what does a bloke do if he wants to buy a two-seater, open-top sports car? 184 00:11:43,627 --> 00:11:48,193 He does what he's being doing for the last 14 years and buys a Mazda MX-5. 185 00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:49,960 Anyway, the Cool Wall. 186 00:11:49,993 --> 00:11:51,893 Where do these cars go? 187 00:11:51,927 --> 00:11:55,693 And remember, this is nothing to do with dodgy gearboxes or value for money, 188 00:11:55,727 --> 00:11:59,360 it's just how cool we think the cars are. 189 00:11:59,393 --> 00:12:01,603 First of all, the VW Beetle convertible. 190 00:12:01,627 --> 00:12:03,693 Now, that is undeniably, I'd say, a cool car. 191 00:12:03,727 --> 00:12:05,069 As long as you don't mind looking like an alien. 192 00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:07,027 Higher, put it higher than that, actually. 193 00:12:09,093 --> 00:12:11,227 Higher, no. No, up there. 194 00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:13,860 No, actually, I'll tell you what, move it into Uncool. 195 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,293 - I kinda like it there, personally. - Oh, okay. 196 00:12:17,327 --> 00:12:19,360 Um, the StreetKa. 197 00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:22,060 Well, yeah, It is very much not a car for a bloke. 198 00:12:22,093 --> 00:12:23,993 But, nevertheless, it's a cool car. 199 00:12:24,027 --> 00:12:25,927 - We'd all agreed on that? - Yes. 200 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,260 We all agree it's cool. 201 00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:30,493 So that leaves us with the Smart car. 202 00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:32,393 Anyone got any thoughts? 203 00:12:32,427 --> 00:12:33,603 - Sub Zero. - Oh, yes! 204 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,427 Hold on a minute, we think what? 205 00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:37,603 - Sub Zero. - Sub Zero. Why? 206 00:12:37,627 --> 00:12:39,327 It's the coolest car here. 207 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,327 - The Smart is? - Easily. 208 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,393 Good man. 209 00:12:42,427 --> 00:12:43,503 - Where's it going? - Uncool. 210 00:12:43,527 --> 00:12:45,093 - Uncool. - Sub Zero. 211 00:12:45,127 --> 00:12:48,093 Sub Zero, you're right, you're wrong, I'm always right. 212 00:12:48,127 --> 00:12:50,993 It's going there 'cause I know everything. 213 00:12:51,027 --> 00:12:52,993 - Always right? - Yeah. 214 00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:54,860 - Know everything? - Yeah. 215 00:12:54,893 --> 00:12:57,603 Last series you put the Renault Avantime, in fact, it's still there, 216 00:12:57,627 --> 00:12:59,827 Sub Zero. There it is. As far as you can go. 217 00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:02,693 - How many do you think they sold? - Millions. 218 00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:04,227 Well, a benchmark... 219 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:08,727 The Ford Focus last year, they sold, over 12 months, 150,000. 220 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,493 Now, all right, that's a big volume car, lots of people buy it, 221 00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:12,960 but it won't be that big a number. 222 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,427 How many Renault Avantime do you think they sold? 223 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,827 Give me some numbers. 224 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:18,860 - Seven! - Seven? Be sensible, it's a car! 225 00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:20,993 It costs millions of pounds to develop! 226 00:13:21,027 --> 00:13:22,327 - 12. - 2,000. 227 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,427 I'll take 2,000, is it? Little bit adventurous. 228 00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:26,827 - Jeremy? - I don't know. 1,500. 229 00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:31,127 I'll tell you how many they sold. 263. 230 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,460 But bear in mind they have 70 dealers who can sell those things. 231 00:13:34,493 --> 00:13:38,360 Now, assuming they would all of had one to put in the showroom, so knock 70 off. 232 00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:40,960 I make that 193. 233 00:13:40,993 --> 00:13:43,860 That's so disastrous, they've stopped making it, Jeremy. 234 00:13:43,893 --> 00:13:46,160 - So that I think shows... - So it's gone? 235 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:47,827 It doesn't even exist any more. 236 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:50,393 - It's gone from our board. - Yeah. 237 00:13:50,427 --> 00:13:53,093 - No! - Sorry! 238 00:13:53,127 --> 00:13:58,660 Actually, I don't care. Because I've had a new idea while we've been off the air. 239 00:13:58,693 --> 00:14:02,360 And it's this. It's the Top Gear Love and Hate board. 240 00:14:02,393 --> 00:14:03,993 The Love section's already full, 241 00:14:04,027 --> 00:14:06,427 Kristin Scott Thomas and Terry-Thomas. Full of Thomases. 242 00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,527 It's this bit we're most interested in. 243 00:14:08,627 --> 00:14:10,227 This is the Hate section. 244 00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,760 It's things we hate. 245 00:14:11,793 --> 00:14:13,393 Like, stereos 246 00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:16,227 that have a chummy greeting when you turn them on. 247 00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:18,460 Why? Why does it have to say hello? 248 00:14:18,493 --> 00:14:20,093 I just want it to play Terry Wogan. 249 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,603 Other things we hate. 250 00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:24,327 Obviously, paddle shifts. 251 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,127 Those semi-automatic 252 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,193 gearboxes like Formula One. 253 00:14:28,227 --> 00:14:30,760 Uh, personalised registration plates. 254 00:14:30,793 --> 00:14:33,327 Yes, we really hate those. 255 00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:36,660 If you've got any ideas 256 00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:39,193 of things that you'd like to see on our Hate board... 257 00:14:39,227 --> 00:14:40,860 Not Love, that's full as I've said. 258 00:14:40,893 --> 00:14:43,227 Um, but you wanna see on the Hate board, 259 00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:45,827 do get in touch on our international web 260 00:14:45,860 --> 00:14:46,860 which is... 261 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,603 Now, I was thinking the other day about stuff that I hate. 262 00:14:57,627 --> 00:14:58,960 And I came up with a list. 263 00:14:58,993 --> 00:15:01,060 Whoa, a man can never have too many lists. 264 00:15:01,093 --> 00:15:02,603 Exactly. 265 00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:05,960 So I made up a list of my top five worst cars ever. 266 00:15:05,993 --> 00:15:07,993 - That's a good one. - It is a good one. 267 00:15:08,027 --> 00:15:10,627 - It's a good poser. - Top five worst cars ever. 268 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:11,703 Well, here's my list, okay? 269 00:15:11,727 --> 00:15:13,293 In fifth place 270 00:15:13,327 --> 00:15:16,327 is the AMC Pacer. Look at that. 271 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,060 What a moose! Ooh, that is a moose. 272 00:15:19,093 --> 00:15:20,460 Interestingly, the doors 273 00:15:20,493 --> 00:15:22,393 on opposite sides aren't even the same length. 274 00:15:22,427 --> 00:15:23,627 And number four 275 00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,293 is the Peel. 276 00:15:26,327 --> 00:15:28,393 What was particularly good about the Peel 277 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,460 - is it only had one head lamp. - It did. 278 00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:32,803 So, if you're driving down a road and you saw one coming toward you, 279 00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:36,327 you think, "That's a motorbike. Jesus, it's a car!" 280 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,603 In third place, 281 00:15:37,627 --> 00:15:39,603 the Vauxhall Vectra. 282 00:15:39,627 --> 00:15:41,293 - Obviously. - Well said. 283 00:15:41,327 --> 00:15:44,660 In second place, the Suzuki X90. 284 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:47,093 I remember road testing that on old Top Gear, 285 00:15:47,127 --> 00:15:48,460 and we filmed it all at night 286 00:15:48,493 --> 00:15:50,036 because I didn't want people to see me in it. 287 00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:52,093 Absolutely, fearsome thing. 288 00:15:52,127 --> 00:15:55,627 - In first place... Well, it's a big question, this. - Mmm. 289 00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:57,127 My worst car ever. 290 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,069 And I got think, "What are we actually looking for?" 291 00:15:59,093 --> 00:16:01,527 Well, something like drizzle, really. 292 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,327 The car equivalent of drizzle. 293 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,660 No. Because there's something happening. 294 00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:07,269 When it's drizzling, there's something going on. 295 00:16:07,293 --> 00:16:08,927 We're looking for worse than that. 296 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,960 It's like those days when you open the door and you walk out 297 00:16:11,993 --> 00:16:13,693 and there is no weather. 298 00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:16,927 There is only one car that can manage that. 299 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,527 And it's this. 300 00:16:18,627 --> 00:16:20,827 The Nissan Sunny. 301 00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:24,393 I don't know where to start. I mean, there are uglier cars. 302 00:16:24,427 --> 00:16:26,460 And there are worse cars to drive. 303 00:16:26,493 --> 00:16:27,793 But that's the whole point, 304 00:16:27,827 --> 00:16:29,893 it's their badness that gives them character. 305 00:16:29,927 --> 00:16:34,360 This... This commits the worst crime of all, blandness. 306 00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:39,860 God gave us, probably celery as the benchmark of nothingness. 307 00:16:39,893 --> 00:16:41,460 And then amazingly, 308 00:16:41,493 --> 00:16:43,493 mankind improved on that 309 00:16:43,527 --> 00:16:46,260 with this thing. 310 00:16:46,293 --> 00:16:49,427 I hesitate even to call it an abomination. 311 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,193 It doesn't have the personality. 312 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,460 Forget redeeming features, 313 00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:55,993 it doesn't have any features. 314 00:16:56,027 --> 00:16:57,760 And here's another thing I don't get. 315 00:16:57,793 --> 00:17:01,093 Dragsters. I mean, yeah, it's got a very big engine. 316 00:17:01,127 --> 00:17:02,760 Well, it's a jet engine, in fact. 317 00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:05,493 And, yeah, it will do 0-200 mph 318 00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:07,603 in 3.8 seconds. 319 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:11,093 But it'll struggle to better 100 gallons to the mile, 320 00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:13,060 and every time you want to get into it, 321 00:17:13,093 --> 00:17:14,727 you've got to split it in half. 322 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,093 And I don't think it's even got a reverse gear. 323 00:17:17,127 --> 00:17:18,893 Mind you, 324 00:17:18,927 --> 00:17:20,893 they do have one useful feature. 325 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,627 Get 'em working. 326 00:17:38,327 --> 00:17:39,493 So... 327 00:17:52,493 --> 00:17:54,660 How much fun was that? 328 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,727 How much fun was that? Fantastic! 329 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,493 Now, bear in mind we do have a kind of a theme going this evening. 330 00:18:03,527 --> 00:18:06,293 Jeremy's been looking at the Smart Roadsters, small cars. 331 00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:08,127 Cheap thrills is the kind of feel. 332 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,727 Now, that dragster did burn about 100 quids worth of fuel doing that. 333 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,893 And that's about the best 100 quid I think you can possibly spend. 334 00:18:17,060 --> 00:18:18,860 Now, footballers. 335 00:18:18,893 --> 00:18:21,960 The time was, not that I know much about it, when it was a great game. 336 00:18:21,993 --> 00:18:24,603 The men were men and in the wall they stood like that 337 00:18:24,627 --> 00:18:26,460 protecting the important things in life. 338 00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:28,793 Now it's this, "Ooh, mind my hair! Mind my hair!" 339 00:18:28,827 --> 00:18:30,360 'Cause I've just had it done. 340 00:18:30,393 --> 00:18:32,360 However, my guest tonight 341 00:18:32,393 --> 00:18:33,927 is from those olden days. 342 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,927 He would drive a large Mercedes to a fight 343 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,827 and occasionally during that fight 344 00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:41,060 a game of football might break out. 345 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,527 He's now an actor 346 00:18:44,627 --> 00:18:46,703 and he's got his own fly-on-the-wall documentary series. 347 00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:48,627 Ladies and gentlemen, Vinnie Jones! 348 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,927 - Vinnie, how are you? - How are ya? 349 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,460 Have a seat. 350 00:19:02,127 --> 00:19:04,527 Now, as I understand it, 351 00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:06,603 you still hold the world record 352 00:19:06,627 --> 00:19:09,527 for being sent off in a game of football, don't you? 353 00:19:09,627 --> 00:19:11,903 - 'Cause it's five seconds, wasn't it? - Yeah. And this was... 354 00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:14,760 I ran on and it was like a minute. 355 00:19:14,793 --> 00:19:16,603 No, you've done it in five seconds. 356 00:19:16,627 --> 00:19:18,603 - That's quicker than a minute. - Well, no. About a second, I'd say. Yeah. 357 00:19:18,627 --> 00:19:20,327 - One second? - Till I came on, yeah. 358 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,603 You see, I'm intrigued, not being a footballist, I have to admit, 359 00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:25,760 how do you reach an opposing player 360 00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:29,027 to commit some kind of atrocity in that time? 361 00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:31,860 'Cause if they blew the whistle, I'd need a minute and a half to get... 362 00:19:32,627 --> 00:19:34,727 I sort of worked it out 363 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,627 that as the ref looked at both, uh, goalkeepers, 364 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,760 as he put the whistle to his mouth, I set off. 365 00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:43,160 So as he actually blew, I was crossing the line at full speed. 366 00:19:43,193 --> 00:19:45,193 And when they knocked into each other 367 00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,527 and then the whites of their eyes saw me coming at them, 368 00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:49,960 - it was quite hilarious. - It's just such a... 369 00:19:49,993 --> 00:19:51,603 "Blow the whistle now." 370 00:19:51,627 --> 00:19:52,903 - Bang. - "Vinnie Jones booked now." 371 00:19:52,927 --> 00:19:55,360 - Yeah. - It's such an achievement. 372 00:19:55,393 --> 00:19:56,736 Anyway, let's talk about your driving days. 373 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,193 Erm, what was your first car? 374 00:19:59,227 --> 00:20:01,060 I came back from Sweden, actually. 375 00:20:01,093 --> 00:20:04,460 And I had a bit of money from playing in Sweden and signed for Wimbledon, 376 00:20:04,493 --> 00:20:05,860 and I bought a red Cortina. 377 00:20:05,893 --> 00:20:08,227 - Ooh. Which mark? - Yeah. Mark IV. 378 00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:09,827 A Mark IV? 379 00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:13,527 And, in them days, Wimbledon, obviously, were very basic. 380 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,193 And myself, Dave Beasant and the physio, 381 00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:18,127 we went there and, of course, I wanted to drive, 382 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,760 and we took the team kit with us. 383 00:20:20,793 --> 00:20:22,636 And we get to the Chelsea gates and they're saying, 384 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:25,236 "No, you're not coming." And I said, "Well, I'm one of the players." 385 00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:28,760 And by the time he had finished telling us we couldn't come in, 386 00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:31,093 it had overheated and just... Poof! 387 00:20:31,127 --> 00:20:34,360 There was smoke and everything was coming through the vents. 388 00:20:34,393 --> 00:20:35,593 Still, it was hilarious. 389 00:20:35,627 --> 00:20:38,093 So, we ended up pushing it down the ramp 390 00:20:38,127 --> 00:20:41,393 and taking the kit out, pushing it in the car park, and it stayed there. 391 00:20:41,427 --> 00:20:43,003 I don't know what happened to the old red Cortina. 392 00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:44,669 Probably still... 'Cause they have a redone Chelsea now. 393 00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:46,960 Yeah, I'm sure. Ken Bates has probably nicked it! 394 00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:50,927 We'll have a look for him running around in it. 395 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,727 You're over in America a lot, obviously, these days. 396 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,693 - Hmm. - Do they have the first idea what you are, who you are? 397 00:20:58,727 --> 00:21:02,193 Well, they... I sort of get more credibility 398 00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:05,727 or they come and talk to you when they realise that you was a footballer. 399 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,803 - You know, they come and... - "Soccerer", as they'd call you. 400 00:21:07,827 --> 00:21:09,393 "Oh, you was a soccer player?" 401 00:21:09,427 --> 00:21:10,703 - Yeah? 'Cause you... - So, yeah. 402 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,760 I mean, Nick Cage. You were in... 403 00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:15,727 - Gone in 60 Seconds. Good car film. - Yeah. 404 00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:18,527 - Is he a car nut? - Yeah. 405 00:21:18,627 --> 00:21:19,836 He used to come. He used to be quite funny. 406 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,660 He used to come down to work, come on the set, 407 00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:23,627 and he'd come in, say, his Bentley. 408 00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:25,427 And then a Ferrari would turn up, 409 00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:28,293 and then a great big motorbike would turn up. And he'd come out and... 410 00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:30,027 And then when we'd finished filming, 411 00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:32,760 for him to go home, he'd stand there and, "What shall I go in?" 412 00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:36,003 And wait... He actually went on his motorbike one day 413 00:21:36,027 --> 00:21:39,793 and we were pulling out and we tried to follow him up to, um, 414 00:21:39,827 --> 00:21:43,260 up the motorway and he was just gone on the motorbike! 415 00:21:43,293 --> 00:21:45,503 But it must be great for him, you know, with the crash helmet on. 416 00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:47,027 Yeah, yeah. No one knows who he is. 417 00:21:47,060 --> 00:21:49,627 And Lock Stock, of course, started it all, didn't it? 418 00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:51,527 Yeah. 419 00:21:51,627 --> 00:21:54,303 'Cause you know the scene, the very famous scene of you with the car door? 420 00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:57,127 - Yeah. - What was going through your head 421 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,060 when you were doing that? 422 00:22:00,093 --> 00:22:01,669 - 'Cause this is your first... - I can't say it on air. 423 00:22:01,693 --> 00:22:04,460 - I'd probably get sued again! - Whisper it. 424 00:22:04,493 --> 00:22:06,893 The thing is, though, we were thinking, 425 00:22:06,927 --> 00:22:09,293 that P6, big heavy doors in those days. 426 00:22:09,327 --> 00:22:11,793 - Yeah. - Good for smashing a man's head in. 427 00:22:11,827 --> 00:22:15,193 Modern cars... We're not so sure, actually. 428 00:22:15,227 --> 00:22:16,693 So, can you just pass us our prop? 429 00:22:16,727 --> 00:22:18,927 - I think the windows would go now on it. - Exactly. 430 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,827 We've had, imagine this, we've had... 431 00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:23,027 We've all seen Day of the Jackal, okay? 432 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,960 Now, if you could come with me, Vinnie. 433 00:22:24,993 --> 00:22:28,160 'Cause what I want you to do is try and smash this 434 00:22:28,193 --> 00:22:29,603 in the door of one of our cars. 435 00:22:29,627 --> 00:22:31,603 Come with me. Down here, everyone. 436 00:22:31,627 --> 00:22:34,960 - Gather round. We're going to the Smart car. - Oh! 437 00:22:34,993 --> 00:22:36,727 Which is made of plastic, okay? 438 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,060 Hasn't got to go back, has it? 439 00:22:38,093 --> 00:22:39,860 - What? - Hasn't got to go back. 440 00:22:39,893 --> 00:22:42,960 Yeah, it has. What I'd like you to do is famously re-enact the scene. 441 00:22:42,993 --> 00:22:45,703 - You go on the other side. - You should put it in from the other side. The... 442 00:22:45,727 --> 00:22:47,760 It was actually a block of wood in Lock Stock. 443 00:22:47,793 --> 00:22:49,793 - Well, it's a watermelon in this. - Right. 444 00:22:49,827 --> 00:22:51,603 - It's also very heavy. - So, we'll try and... Yeah. 445 00:22:51,627 --> 00:22:53,327 - Right. Here we go. - Okay. 446 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:54,960 - Ready? - Yeah. Here we go. 447 00:22:57,193 --> 00:22:58,993 Not bad! In one! 448 00:23:04,893 --> 00:23:05,893 So... 449 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,393 So, a little bit of, um, The Day of the Jackal, 450 00:23:10,427 --> 00:23:13,603 little bit of Lock Stock, little bit of Top Gear, all in one! 451 00:23:13,627 --> 00:23:16,627 Um, now, of course, you haven't just come here to... 452 00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:18,527 Can you hang on to that? Cheers, mate. 453 00:23:18,627 --> 00:23:20,127 - Um... - Do the garden, mate! 454 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,927 Yes, sadly. Go do the garden. 455 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,227 You haven't just come here to smash watermelons to pieces, obviously. 456 00:23:25,260 --> 00:23:26,427 - Yeah. - You've... 457 00:23:26,460 --> 00:23:28,460 You've come to do a lap on our track. 458 00:23:28,493 --> 00:23:30,336 You went with The Stig, obviously. What was that like? 459 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:32,360 Yeah. Um... 460 00:23:32,393 --> 00:23:35,060 When the backside stops retracting, I'll let you know on that one. 461 00:23:35,093 --> 00:23:36,693 He is quick, isn't he? 462 00:23:36,727 --> 00:23:39,893 Okay, but it is time now to see how you got on in your lap. 463 00:23:39,927 --> 00:23:42,327 This is the... The power board. Okay? 464 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,269 - You did... - I just want to beat Jonathan Ross. 465 00:23:44,293 --> 00:23:47,193 - I've got to beat Rossy. - Jonathan Ross, one minute 57. 466 00:23:47,227 --> 00:23:49,060 You could have strolled, mate. 467 00:23:49,093 --> 00:23:50,493 Shall we see how you got on? 468 00:23:50,527 --> 00:23:53,627 The star in a reasonably-priced car. Play it. 469 00:23:56,827 --> 00:23:58,527 - Nice start. - Cheers. 470 00:23:59,027 --> 00:24:01,127 Come on, girl. 471 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,393 It looks very slow. It seemed a lot faster when I was doing it! 472 00:24:05,627 --> 00:24:07,327 No, well, it is a Suzuki Liana. 473 00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,627 It's not a fast car. 474 00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:10,093 This is the bit, though. 475 00:24:10,127 --> 00:24:12,127 You can scrub speed off here. 476 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,400 If you lose speed here, you'll never get it back all the way up the main straight. 477 00:24:16,393 --> 00:24:18,193 This is... This is the home bit. 478 00:24:18,227 --> 00:24:20,227 This little, uh... This little bend here. 479 00:24:20,260 --> 00:24:23,260 This is where everyone goes off. How do you manage? 480 00:24:23,293 --> 00:24:24,627 Steady, Vin. 481 00:24:25,427 --> 00:24:26,793 Boot it! 482 00:24:26,827 --> 00:24:28,727 You kept it on the island, 483 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,960 and that was where Michael Gambon nearly rolled it. 484 00:24:30,993 --> 00:24:32,693 - And you're across the line! - Oh, yeah! 485 00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:37,427 Yeah. 486 00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:40,460 Seemed a bit slow, I think. 487 00:24:40,493 --> 00:24:42,393 - I've been told the time. - Go on, now. 488 00:24:42,427 --> 00:24:45,427 - You wanna be faster than Jonathan Ross. - Yeah. 489 00:24:45,460 --> 00:24:47,693 I pity Jonathan Ross if you aren't faster than him! 490 00:24:47,727 --> 00:24:49,036 Rossy will not let me live it down. 491 00:24:49,060 --> 00:24:51,193 Vinnie J, 492 00:24:51,227 --> 00:24:52,827 one minute... 493 00:24:52,860 --> 00:24:54,360 50... 494 00:24:54,393 --> 00:24:55,993 51? 495 00:24:56,027 --> 00:24:57,460 - Three. - 53? 496 00:24:57,493 --> 00:24:59,960 So you're in there, faster than Ross Kemp. 497 00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:04,493 Ladies and gentlemen, Vinnie Jones! 498 00:25:11,393 --> 00:25:12,893 And... 499 00:25:12,927 --> 00:25:15,893 Now, this being a new series of Top Gear, 500 00:25:15,927 --> 00:25:20,793 we thought we'd try out a new presenter, okay? He's called James May. 501 00:25:20,827 --> 00:25:25,793 And on the evidence of what we're about to see, he is a blithering idiot! 502 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,760 One day, probably in the dentist, 503 00:25:40,793 --> 00:25:43,027 you'll find yourself leafing idly through 504 00:25:43,060 --> 00:25:45,493 the small ads in the back of a classic car magazine. 505 00:25:45,527 --> 00:25:47,927 And you'll probably think to yourself, 506 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,060 "Huh. All that money I spent on a Ford Mondeo 507 00:25:50,093 --> 00:25:52,527 "could have been used to buy something really interesting." 508 00:25:52,627 --> 00:25:57,193 Like Mark II, Inspector Morse-styled Jag, for example, 509 00:25:57,227 --> 00:26:01,227 an old Porsche 911. There are quite a few old Porsche 911s in here. 510 00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:04,193 Look, you could even have a Bentley. 511 00:26:08,327 --> 00:26:13,027 Mind you, you'd have to be a complete idiot to buy one of those. 512 00:26:15,027 --> 00:26:16,627 This one's mine. 513 00:26:18,393 --> 00:26:22,527 It's a T2, pretty much the cheapest Bentley money can buy. 514 00:26:23,993 --> 00:26:26,127 You can pick one of these up for seven or eight grand. 515 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:27,627 But don't. 'Cause for that money 516 00:26:27,660 --> 00:26:29,993 it's gonna be a complete bag of bolts. 517 00:26:31,027 --> 00:26:32,603 This, though, is a good 'un. 518 00:26:32,627 --> 00:26:35,227 It cost 14 grand, but it's got a full service history. 519 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:38,527 All the parts are genuine, there's no rust, no filler 520 00:26:38,627 --> 00:26:41,127 and no evidence of bodged repairs. 521 00:26:42,127 --> 00:26:44,893 Now, 14 grand's top dollar for one of these, 522 00:26:44,927 --> 00:26:49,027 but that's still only the price of the most basic Mondeo. 523 00:26:49,060 --> 00:26:52,527 Unlike the Mondeo, though, the Bentley shouldn't depreciate. 524 00:26:52,627 --> 00:26:55,393 A Mondeo is a disposable item, but a Bentley's... 525 00:26:55,427 --> 00:26:56,960 It's a Bentley. 526 00:26:57,727 --> 00:27:00,060 So why do I like it, then? 527 00:27:00,093 --> 00:27:02,360 Well... I like this wood. 528 00:27:02,393 --> 00:27:04,527 Someone's taken a lot of care over that. 529 00:27:04,627 --> 00:27:07,060 I like the view. I like that strip of chrome down the bonnet 530 00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:10,493 and the weird winged bee thing down at the end. 531 00:27:10,527 --> 00:27:12,127 And I like the sort of daftness of it. 532 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,027 I mean, the light switch is there, fair enough. 533 00:27:15,060 --> 00:27:19,293 But the key goes here and the windscreen wipers are here. 534 00:27:19,327 --> 00:27:20,803 Now, you'd expect the windscreen wipers to be here, 535 00:27:20,827 --> 00:27:23,260 but this is actually the gear stick. 536 00:27:23,293 --> 00:27:25,827 And the handbrake's down here. 537 00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:28,160 It's all wrong, and I love that. 538 00:27:31,060 --> 00:27:35,993 Somewhere up front is a huge 6.75-litre V8 engine. 539 00:27:36,027 --> 00:27:37,993 But when you put your foot down... 540 00:27:40,260 --> 00:27:41,760 Nothing happens. 541 00:27:41,793 --> 00:27:44,136 You get a bit more noise, and you might go a little bit faster, 542 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,727 but on the whole, it's a complete waste of time. 543 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,093 You might as well just relax. 544 00:27:51,260 --> 00:27:52,727 Handling. 545 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,920 I've got furniture that handles better than this thing. 546 00:27:55,827 --> 00:27:57,193 Watch. 547 00:27:57,227 --> 00:27:59,993 Absolutely nothing. 548 00:28:00,027 --> 00:28:02,793 So, it's rubbish to drive, I'm going slower than you 549 00:28:02,827 --> 00:28:05,627 and yes, I look like a failed porn star. 550 00:28:05,660 --> 00:28:08,993 But I am in my own Bentley! 551 00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:14,660 Right, then, a Bentley for Mondeo money. 552 00:28:19,627 --> 00:28:23,093 Some of you are pretty tempted by this idea, 553 00:28:23,127 --> 00:28:24,393 but hang on. 554 00:28:24,427 --> 00:28:27,603 I haven't told you how it ruined my life yet. 555 00:28:27,627 --> 00:28:29,460 I said this car doesn't depreciate. 556 00:28:29,493 --> 00:28:30,827 But big deal! 557 00:28:30,860 --> 00:28:33,127 Who really cares about depreciation anyway? 558 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,327 It's just something that goes on all the time 559 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:37,260 when you're in the pub or in bed. 560 00:28:37,293 --> 00:28:39,660 It's not something that hurts you every day. 561 00:28:39,693 --> 00:28:42,193 For that, you need a Bentley. 562 00:28:42,227 --> 00:28:43,727 Every time I go near this thing 563 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:47,093 it kicks me in the head and runs off with my wallet. 564 00:28:47,127 --> 00:28:48,993 It costs 80 quid to fill up 565 00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:52,527 and does 15 miles to the gallon, if I drive like an undertaker. 566 00:28:52,627 --> 00:28:55,160 I have to rent a king-size garage to keep it in. 567 00:28:55,193 --> 00:28:58,427 And it takes up two tokens at the jet wash. 568 00:28:58,460 --> 00:29:02,793 Okay, servicing only costs about the same as it does for a mid-size BMW, 569 00:29:02,827 --> 00:29:06,360 but it has to go in three times as often. 570 00:29:06,393 --> 00:29:09,660 Which is why my mechanic buys his overalls from Gucci, 571 00:29:09,693 --> 00:29:13,060 while I sit at home eating gruel. 572 00:29:14,327 --> 00:29:17,327 - Cheap thrills? - You want to try this. 573 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,160 It's bloody terrifying. 574 00:29:25,527 --> 00:29:26,927 It seems to me 575 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,260 you could have done that film a lot shorter than that. 576 00:29:30,293 --> 00:29:32,360 Yes. It's, um... 577 00:29:32,393 --> 00:29:34,093 For the money you spend on a basic Mondeo, 578 00:29:34,127 --> 00:29:36,660 you could buy an old Bentley like I did. Don't! 579 00:29:36,693 --> 00:29:38,627 Exactly, don't go anywhere near it. 580 00:29:38,660 --> 00:29:40,027 It's a stupid idea, isn't it? 581 00:29:40,060 --> 00:29:42,993 It is. It's fine as a hobby, but this is my only car. 582 00:29:43,027 --> 00:29:45,436 - You don't even have another car? - I don't have another car. 583 00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:47,960 Well, how many sacrifices do you have to make? 584 00:29:47,993 --> 00:29:50,793 Um, going for a curry? 585 00:29:50,827 --> 00:29:52,993 - Having mates. Having a proper car. - Yeah. 586 00:29:53,993 --> 00:29:55,793 Any form of life. 587 00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:57,703 And presumably, it won't fit in your garage since you live in London. 588 00:29:57,727 --> 00:29:59,427 No. Well, actually, that's not quite true. 589 00:29:59,460 --> 00:30:03,060 The first 12 feet fit in the garage magnificently. 590 00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:05,103 Even though I can't actually can't get out of the car. 591 00:30:05,127 --> 00:30:08,660 - But then there are two feet on the pavement. - Yeah, you don't want that. 592 00:30:08,693 --> 00:30:11,627 And then the last three feet are on the road and get a parking ticket. 593 00:30:12,593 --> 00:30:14,893 And if I put the whole car on the road 594 00:30:14,927 --> 00:30:16,893 you have to pay the council tax, obviously. 595 00:30:16,927 --> 00:30:19,360 - 'Cause it's a house, really. - It is. 596 00:30:19,393 --> 00:30:22,127 The thing is that it's not my sort of car, 597 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,269 - but then we do differ, don't we? - That's why I like it. 598 00:30:24,293 --> 00:30:25,660 Yeah, exactly. 599 00:30:25,693 --> 00:30:27,760 You just look at what I say and go, "He's wrong!" 600 00:30:27,793 --> 00:30:29,327 I looked in Auto Trader and thought, 601 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,793 "What wouldn't Jeremy buy out of all these cars? That one." 602 00:30:31,827 --> 00:30:33,803 - Yeah, I respect that in a man. - "I'll have that!" 603 00:30:33,827 --> 00:30:35,360 I really do. 604 00:30:35,393 --> 00:30:37,893 - You said in the film you have to rent a garage. - Yeah. 605 00:30:37,927 --> 00:30:39,127 Well, how far away? 606 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,060 I don't know. Seven miles or so. 607 00:30:43,093 --> 00:30:46,893 You rent a garage seven miles from your house? 608 00:30:46,927 --> 00:30:48,827 How do you get there, then? 609 00:30:48,860 --> 00:30:51,493 On my folding bicycle, obviously. 610 00:30:52,027 --> 00:30:53,660 You are mad! 611 00:30:53,693 --> 00:30:57,260 You're just clinically insane running a car like this. 612 00:30:57,293 --> 00:30:59,760 I think you may be missing an essential point, though, Jeremy. 613 00:30:59,793 --> 00:31:02,093 Comfy, though, with this sort of thing. I quite like this! 614 00:31:02,127 --> 00:31:03,669 This is the one with the firm suspension! 615 00:31:03,693 --> 00:31:05,060 No. Is it really? 616 00:31:05,093 --> 00:31:07,060 - Yeah it is. - The "T" is for firm suspension. 617 00:31:07,093 --> 00:31:10,460 It's got something rather preposterously called the Harvey Bailey Handling Kit. 618 00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:12,636 Harvey Bailey didn't know anything about suspension either, 619 00:31:12,660 --> 00:31:14,427 - by the looks of things. - No. 620 00:31:14,460 --> 00:31:16,427 Despite all that, 621 00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:18,393 I think... Well, let's say, 622 00:31:18,427 --> 00:31:21,493 of all the cars in this studio, this one is actually the cheapest. 623 00:31:21,527 --> 00:31:22,960 No, it's not. The Smart's cheaper. 624 00:31:22,993 --> 00:31:25,627 That's 30... For £500 cheaper you can have a Smart. 625 00:31:25,660 --> 00:31:27,169 - Okay, well... - Which doesn't do this. 626 00:31:27,193 --> 00:31:29,127 This would have been cheaper... 627 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,260 This would have been cheaper if I had not felt sorry 628 00:31:31,293 --> 00:31:33,236 for the bloke who was selling it, and haggled a bit more. 629 00:31:33,260 --> 00:31:35,393 - That's a British disease. - It is a British disease. 630 00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:37,027 "Oh, I feel really sorry for him." Yeah. 631 00:31:37,060 --> 00:31:41,093 Am I right in saying this car is so cool, 632 00:31:41,127 --> 00:31:45,793 that most people, by which I mean Jeremy, don't realise it yet? 633 00:31:45,827 --> 00:31:47,060 Yes! 634 00:31:47,093 --> 00:31:49,227 Okay, hands up if you think it's a cool car. 635 00:31:49,260 --> 00:31:52,693 - Yes, yeah. - That's one, two, three... 636 00:31:52,727 --> 00:31:56,227 And on that bombshell, let's do the news, shall we? 637 00:31:56,260 --> 00:31:59,027 Uh, news first of two hot new Peugeots. 638 00:31:59,060 --> 00:32:01,827 The first of them is the new 206 GTi. 639 00:32:01,860 --> 00:32:03,927 It's 180 bhp. 640 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:08,760 It's quite a lot in a small car. 14,995 quid, which isn't bad. 641 00:32:08,793 --> 00:32:10,660 That is a hot little car. 642 00:32:10,693 --> 00:32:12,127 The second one... 643 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,127 I can't quite understand this. 644 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:15,827 It's a 206, it's another GTi, 645 00:32:15,860 --> 00:32:18,493 it's only the 138 bhp one, slightly less powerful, 646 00:32:18,527 --> 00:32:21,460 but you'll notice it's an estate, 647 00:32:21,493 --> 00:32:23,160 a little tiny estate car. 648 00:32:23,193 --> 00:32:25,793 Now that, to me, is pointless. 649 00:32:25,827 --> 00:32:27,160 More than that, it's a tragedy. 650 00:32:27,193 --> 00:32:29,393 I just can't see why you'd need that in your life. 651 00:32:29,427 --> 00:32:31,760 That's what the French call "idiotique". 652 00:32:31,793 --> 00:32:33,693 Yes! Don't get it. 653 00:32:33,727 --> 00:32:35,603 - Don't like it. - I like it. 654 00:32:35,627 --> 00:32:37,193 Why? 655 00:32:37,227 --> 00:32:39,627 I like it 'cause the 206 is a good car. Are we all agreed? 656 00:32:39,660 --> 00:32:41,260 - Yeah, it is. - It's a good hatchback. 657 00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:43,136 The 206 is a good car. You put a peppy little engine in it 658 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,093 and there's space for your dog. 659 00:32:45,127 --> 00:32:46,236 - What? - No, no, no, no, no. 660 00:32:46,260 --> 00:32:47,827 You can get your dog in a hatchback! 661 00:32:47,860 --> 00:32:49,027 No, you can't. 662 00:32:49,060 --> 00:32:51,527 If you've got a big dog, it won't go in a 206. 663 00:32:51,627 --> 00:32:53,293 No, hang on. Hang on. 664 00:32:53,327 --> 00:32:55,060 A dog is for life. 665 00:32:55,093 --> 00:32:58,893 If you've got a big dog already, you specify a big estate car. 666 00:32:58,927 --> 00:33:00,360 - A Volvo. Yeah? - He's right. 667 00:33:00,393 --> 00:33:02,327 If you've already got a small car, 668 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:07,227 you get a small dog like one of those mutant things that comes third at Crufts. 669 00:33:07,260 --> 00:33:08,793 My point is, is that 670 00:33:08,827 --> 00:33:12,393 if you had a dog and you needed the space, I think that's great. 671 00:33:12,427 --> 00:33:14,360 Not if you're British, 672 00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:16,660 - because we like dogs. - Yes. 673 00:33:16,693 --> 00:33:18,160 But actually it's a French car 674 00:33:18,193 --> 00:33:20,727 and they can get a red setter in the back of a Renault 5. 675 00:33:22,427 --> 00:33:24,293 And they crush it in so tightly, 676 00:33:24,327 --> 00:33:27,603 that it actually looks like a photograph of a dog stuck on the window 677 00:33:27,627 --> 00:33:29,693 rather than a real dog inside the car. 678 00:33:29,727 --> 00:33:31,603 - I consider myself outvoted then. - Yeah, you are. 679 00:33:31,627 --> 00:33:35,603 Peugeot 206 GTi Estate, silly car. 680 00:33:35,627 --> 00:33:37,060 - Very silly. - Silly car. 681 00:33:37,660 --> 00:33:39,160 Ah, news, good news 682 00:33:39,193 --> 00:33:41,360 for film buffs who like cars. 683 00:33:41,393 --> 00:33:42,927 We all like films, we all like cars. 684 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,260 The Italian Job, probably one of the greatest films 685 00:33:46,293 --> 00:33:47,760 for those of us who love cars. 686 00:33:47,793 --> 00:33:50,193 There's gonna be a new one. There's a remake coming up. 687 00:33:50,227 --> 00:33:52,627 - The Americans are doing this one. - Oh, God. 688 00:33:53,260 --> 00:33:54,460 Yeah. Um... 689 00:33:54,627 --> 00:33:56,160 There are gonna be a few differences. 690 00:33:56,193 --> 00:33:59,160 First of all, the previous one was shot in Turin. 691 00:33:59,193 --> 00:34:01,060 - Yep. - Beautiful Italian city. 692 00:34:01,093 --> 00:34:06,193 The new one is gonna be shot in the beautiful Italian city of Los Angeles. 693 00:34:06,227 --> 00:34:07,903 - Right. - Which technically isn't Italian, of course. 694 00:34:07,927 --> 00:34:09,327 - No. - Well, hang on then. 695 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,060 If it's not in Italy, 696 00:34:11,093 --> 00:34:13,993 is it gonna be called The Job? 697 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,903 It didn't actually specify that there was gonna be a job. 698 00:34:17,927 --> 00:34:19,827 - Right. So, it's "The". - Just "The". The! 699 00:34:19,860 --> 00:34:21,260 "Out now, The". 700 00:34:21,293 --> 00:34:23,893 And who are they going to get to play Michael Caine? 701 00:34:23,927 --> 00:34:26,036 Well, probably Vin Diesel. He's doing everything else, isn't he? 702 00:34:26,060 --> 00:34:30,760 'Cause who did they get to do the remake of the... Get Carter? 703 00:34:30,793 --> 00:34:33,069 - Stallone. It was Stallone. - It was Stallone, wasn't it? 704 00:34:33,093 --> 00:34:34,927 You can't have him going, 705 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,840 "I only asked you to blow the bloody doors off." 706 00:34:37,327 --> 00:34:38,660 No. Uh... 707 00:34:38,693 --> 00:34:40,660 The other thing about The Italian Job is, 708 00:34:40,693 --> 00:34:45,393 you know, when it ends and the bus is sort of teetering on the brink of disaster, 709 00:34:45,427 --> 00:34:47,093 and then Michael goes, 710 00:34:47,127 --> 00:34:48,893 - "I've got a great idea". - Yeah. 711 00:34:48,927 --> 00:34:51,460 If it's an American, it won't be a great idea, will it? 712 00:34:51,493 --> 00:34:53,393 - No. That's true! - They'll just be rubbish 713 00:34:53,427 --> 00:34:55,193 and then there'll be a huge explosion 714 00:34:55,227 --> 00:34:57,993 in which some British people will be killed by accident. 715 00:34:58,460 --> 00:35:00,427 And then... 716 00:35:00,460 --> 00:35:03,260 Tom Cruise will come down in a parachute. 717 00:35:03,293 --> 00:35:05,193 - Yeah. - And it'll be a rubbish film. 718 00:35:05,227 --> 00:35:07,693 - Yes. - Uh, what else have we got in the news? 719 00:35:07,727 --> 00:35:10,603 Since we are not... Are we gonna bother going to see that? 720 00:35:10,627 --> 00:35:12,293 - No! - Probably not. If you seen a film 721 00:35:12,327 --> 00:35:13,769 coming to your cinema just called... What did you say it was? 722 00:35:13,793 --> 00:35:15,227 - The! - The! 723 00:35:15,260 --> 00:35:17,093 Exactly. Don't bother. 724 00:35:17,127 --> 00:35:19,727 New cars since we've been off air. 725 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,227 Renault Kangoo. Anyone interested in that? 726 00:35:22,260 --> 00:35:23,627 No! 727 00:35:23,660 --> 00:35:26,093 - I am. £9,100. - I am. 728 00:35:26,127 --> 00:35:27,293 It's a van with windows, 729 00:35:27,327 --> 00:35:28,660 a bit like the Citroen Berlingo. 730 00:35:28,693 --> 00:35:30,603 Uh, a little bit more expensive than the Berlingo 731 00:35:30,627 --> 00:35:32,993 for reasons that aren't immediately apparent. 732 00:35:33,027 --> 00:35:35,193 Quite like those cars, actually. They're all right. 733 00:35:35,227 --> 00:35:38,660 Um... Saab 9-3 Convertible. 734 00:35:38,693 --> 00:35:41,160 Basically they've taken a tin-opener to the 9-3, 735 00:35:41,193 --> 00:35:42,936 which, I think I'm right in saying, is a Vectra. 736 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,069 You're the big expert on this sort of thing, aren't you? Is it a... 737 00:35:45,093 --> 00:35:47,327 It is a Vectra, but it's got a Saab badge on it. 738 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,669 - Right, so, if you want... - There's some slightly more rounded bits. 739 00:35:49,693 --> 00:35:52,627 Yeah, a convertible Vauxhall Vectra, there you are. 740 00:35:52,660 --> 00:35:54,793 Can't think why. Um... 741 00:35:54,827 --> 00:35:56,960 Now... 742 00:35:56,993 --> 00:35:58,660 All those people who write in and say, 743 00:35:58,693 --> 00:36:01,393 "You're only interested in expensive cars." You're damn right. 744 00:36:01,427 --> 00:36:04,260 The new Lamborghini Gallardo! 745 00:36:04,293 --> 00:36:07,893 This has got a V10 5-litre... I'm gonna have to go to the lavatory 746 00:36:07,927 --> 00:36:10,693 if I've to say, "V10 5-litre engine" again. 747 00:36:10,727 --> 00:36:13,393 500 bhp, fantastic-looking thing. 748 00:36:13,427 --> 00:36:16,160 It's gonna be on sale in Britain I think later this year. 749 00:36:16,193 --> 00:36:21,393 Uh... Prices are anticipated to be around £120,000, 750 00:36:21,427 --> 00:36:24,660 so it will be competing with the Ferrari 360. 751 00:36:24,693 --> 00:36:27,360 And actually, if the... If its big brother, 752 00:36:27,393 --> 00:36:31,493 the, uh, Murcielago, is anything to go by, that will be, 753 00:36:31,527 --> 00:36:33,603 - 'cause they're owned by Audi now, aren't they? - They are. 754 00:36:33,627 --> 00:36:36,693 - That will be a stonking good car! - Mmm. 755 00:36:36,727 --> 00:36:39,327 I think they're gonna have a problem with that. 756 00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,193 We've had this mystery fax, okay? 757 00:36:42,227 --> 00:36:47,427 It came to the office, some telephone numbers and a picture. 758 00:36:47,460 --> 00:36:49,660 - Yes. - What you would say that was? 759 00:36:49,693 --> 00:36:50,993 That a Lotus Esprit. 760 00:36:51,027 --> 00:36:52,703 - Yeah, it's a Lotus Esprit. - Anybody else? 761 00:36:52,727 --> 00:36:54,960 - Lotus Esprit, yeah? - Lotus. Yeah. 762 00:36:54,993 --> 00:36:57,893 Now, this has actually come from the manufacturer. 763 00:36:57,927 --> 00:36:59,603 - When you... From Lotus. - From Lotus? 764 00:36:59,627 --> 00:37:02,393 When you ring the number, they will say to you, 765 00:37:02,427 --> 00:37:04,703 "What's that picture that's come through on your fax machine?" 766 00:37:04,727 --> 00:37:06,427 And you'll say, "That's the Lotus Esprit." 767 00:37:06,460 --> 00:37:08,936 And the reason they're doing is that is because they want to prove 768 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,127 that this is their shape and then copyright it. 769 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:13,927 How can they do that? 770 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:15,836 - They can't... - Well, I don't... Well, we can ensure they don't, okay? 771 00:37:15,860 --> 00:37:18,960 If you get one of these on your fax machine, 772 00:37:18,993 --> 00:37:21,660 ring the number. And when they say, "What's that picture?" 773 00:37:21,693 --> 00:37:24,427 You say, "That's a piece of Double Gloucester." 774 00:37:27,027 --> 00:37:30,727 That way, every time somebody buys a Ferrari or a Lotus 775 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,227 or... What was the other one? 776 00:37:32,260 --> 00:37:34,993 - A Lamborghini. - A Lamborghini, or indeed, a Seat, 777 00:37:35,027 --> 00:37:36,769 if they ever get round to building this thing. 778 00:37:36,793 --> 00:37:38,460 It's more money in royalties 779 00:37:38,493 --> 00:37:40,827 for Britain's beleaguered cheesemakers. 780 00:37:40,860 --> 00:37:42,369 - Nice thought. - It's good news for UK... 781 00:37:42,393 --> 00:37:43,427 - Good point. - Yeah. 782 00:37:43,460 --> 00:37:44,627 Good point. 783 00:37:44,660 --> 00:37:45,860 Right. A quick question for ya. 784 00:37:45,893 --> 00:37:49,527 How much do you reckon this F355 is worth? 785 00:37:49,627 --> 00:37:51,269 - Give me some figures. What do you reckon? 90. 786 00:37:51,293 --> 00:37:56,493 80, 90, 60, 40? None of those. I'll tell you how much it's worth. 787 00:37:56,527 --> 00:37:57,860 It's worth about 20 grand. 788 00:37:57,893 --> 00:37:59,460 This is our cheap thrills programme, 789 00:37:59,493 --> 00:38:01,327 there'd be no room for a Ferrari on that. 790 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:02,760 This isn't a Ferrari. 791 00:38:02,793 --> 00:38:05,493 This is actually a Toyota MR2 792 00:38:05,527 --> 00:38:10,360 that's been made to look almost exactly like a F355. 793 00:38:10,393 --> 00:38:13,127 And the interesting thing is, the bloke who built this, 794 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,460 once he'd turned his Toyota MR2 into a Ferrari replica, 795 00:38:16,493 --> 00:38:18,060 rang his insurance company. 796 00:38:18,093 --> 00:38:20,960 "Well," they said, "that is now classed as a kit car." 797 00:38:20,993 --> 00:38:26,393 So his insurance premium went down from 1,200 quid to 300 quid. 798 00:38:26,427 --> 00:38:27,993 So there's a cheap thrill. 799 00:38:28,027 --> 00:38:29,793 But there is a problem, and it links back 800 00:38:29,827 --> 00:38:33,127 to what James was saying about copyrighting cheese. 801 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,493 And it's this. Ferrari aren't likely to be too pleased 802 00:38:36,527 --> 00:38:39,160 about somebody copying their shape. 803 00:38:39,193 --> 00:38:43,093 In fact, they'll probably go after the bloke who built it. 804 00:38:43,793 --> 00:38:49,493 Right, now, for this programme I was asked to find a fun car for not much money. 805 00:38:49,527 --> 00:38:52,827 And I failed, completely. 806 00:39:03,393 --> 00:39:06,160 This is the Bowler Wildcat. 807 00:39:06,193 --> 00:39:09,060 Nice name. It's based on a Land Rover, 808 00:39:09,093 --> 00:39:14,693 but it has one key element that's missing from normal Land Rovers. Speed. 809 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:20,493 An Aston Martin DB7 will go from 0-60 mph in 4.9 seconds. 810 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,060 This will do it in 4.8. 811 00:39:31,793 --> 00:39:34,527 It does cost 50 grand. 812 00:39:38,827 --> 00:39:40,193 But everything's relative. 813 00:39:40,227 --> 00:39:43,627 This is the best off-roader in the world. 814 00:39:47,660 --> 00:39:49,393 And it's road-legal. 815 00:39:52,093 --> 00:39:53,693 So, how has a sheep-lugger 816 00:39:53,727 --> 00:39:58,460 from Solihull been turned into an off-road Ferrari? 817 00:39:58,493 --> 00:40:01,993 The Bowler Wildcats are built by two brothers in Derbyshire. 818 00:40:02,027 --> 00:40:04,393 Instead of the usual standard heavy chassis, 819 00:40:04,427 --> 00:40:06,860 they use a raised-car style space frame. 820 00:40:06,893 --> 00:40:09,827 That takes three weeks just to weld together. 821 00:40:09,860 --> 00:40:12,193 These body panels, fibreglass. 822 00:40:12,227 --> 00:40:14,193 The engine is a 5-litre, 823 00:40:14,227 --> 00:40:15,493 300 bhp. 824 00:40:15,527 --> 00:40:18,027 Land Rover TVR hybrid V8. 825 00:40:18,060 --> 00:40:20,460 And the interior... Well... 826 00:40:22,793 --> 00:40:26,427 There isn't one! But, you know, you just don't care. 827 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,360 You just don't. 828 00:40:39,227 --> 00:40:42,793 Fifty grand might sound like a lot of money 829 00:40:42,827 --> 00:40:45,860 for a car that started life as a Land Rover. 830 00:40:46,593 --> 00:40:48,927 You can buy a BMW M5 831 00:40:49,527 --> 00:40:50,927 for that money. 832 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,727 But think about it. 833 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,603 A lot of manufacturers claim to have 834 00:40:55,627 --> 00:40:57,360 a racing pedigree. 835 00:40:57,393 --> 00:41:00,293 But you couldn't turn up at Le Mans 836 00:41:00,327 --> 00:41:04,360 in your M5... Or your Ferrari, for that matter. 837 00:41:04,393 --> 00:41:08,193 But you could buy a Bowler Wildcat and the next day 838 00:41:08,227 --> 00:41:11,160 be on the start line at the Paris-Dakar. 839 00:41:11,193 --> 00:41:13,227 Now, the scary bit. I don't like this bit. 840 00:41:13,260 --> 00:41:16,827 Straight on. Left. Ooh. Ow! 841 00:41:16,860 --> 00:41:18,127 That hurt. 842 00:41:19,193 --> 00:41:22,327 The suspension is made by Bowler 843 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,627 and it is, of course, fully adjustable. 844 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,760 The spec list 845 00:41:27,793 --> 00:41:31,193 includes FIA-spec fuel tanks, 846 00:41:31,227 --> 00:41:33,660 an integrated fire extinguisher, 847 00:41:34,793 --> 00:41:38,603 and best of all, onboard water supply 848 00:41:38,627 --> 00:41:41,193 for desert racing. Yee-ha-ha! 849 00:41:43,627 --> 00:41:46,227 The power from that 850 00:41:46,927 --> 00:41:50,327 5-litre, half-TVR, 851 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,160 half-Land Rover V8 852 00:41:52,193 --> 00:41:55,603 is just eating the world! 853 00:41:55,627 --> 00:41:57,227 It's incredible! 854 00:41:57,260 --> 00:42:01,627 This is fast in a whole new way. 855 00:42:09,093 --> 00:42:11,993 This... I... 856 00:42:12,027 --> 00:42:13,927 Oh, yes! 857 00:42:14,427 --> 00:42:15,827 Yes! 858 00:42:17,260 --> 00:42:21,960 How can anything survive this? Including me? 859 00:42:21,993 --> 00:42:25,627 At this moment now, second! Third! 860 00:42:27,293 --> 00:42:29,060 What a feeling! 861 00:42:29,093 --> 00:42:31,460 I am a driving god! 862 00:42:40,227 --> 00:42:42,603 That's the most fun I've ever had in a car. 863 00:42:42,627 --> 00:42:43,793 But I tell ya, 864 00:42:43,827 --> 00:42:45,427 you can only do so much in it. 865 00:42:45,460 --> 00:42:47,293 We haven't even started yet! 866 00:42:47,327 --> 00:42:48,693 Thanks. 867 00:42:48,727 --> 00:42:51,160 That's Jim Weaver. He races this. 868 00:42:51,193 --> 00:42:52,727 He's raced everything else. 869 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,193 And now he's racing this. 870 00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:56,260 Oh, good. 871 00:42:56,293 --> 00:42:58,393 Better put me helmet on. 872 00:43:04,127 --> 00:43:05,460 I drove it fast. 873 00:43:05,493 --> 00:43:07,860 But Jim took it to another level. 874 00:43:07,893 --> 00:43:10,327 This was a truly epic ride. 875 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:11,603 Incredible. 876 00:43:11,627 --> 00:43:13,427 And most incredible of all was just 877 00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:17,193 how the machinery could stand this kind of punishment. 878 00:43:17,227 --> 00:43:19,693 What does it do to your insides? 879 00:43:19,727 --> 00:43:22,393 I dislodged a lung in Italy. 880 00:43:22,427 --> 00:43:24,527 Dislodged a lung? 881 00:43:33,793 --> 00:43:36,603 Of course, they tested the Bowler. 882 00:43:36,627 --> 00:43:38,727 In computer simulations, 883 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,293 it simply outpaced the computer. 884 00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:44,160 After a 40-foot drop onto its nose 885 00:43:44,193 --> 00:43:45,227 in the desert, 886 00:43:45,260 --> 00:43:48,027 nothing, nothing happened. 887 00:43:48,060 --> 00:43:51,827 You could stand 10-ton weights on its roof 888 00:43:51,860 --> 00:43:53,827 and nothing would happen. 889 00:43:53,860 --> 00:43:55,493 Nothing at all. 890 00:43:59,893 --> 00:44:02,660 Do you know, it's not just a cheap thrill. 891 00:44:02,693 --> 00:44:05,027 At 50,000 grand, it's a bargain 892 00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,127 because it really is a supercar. 893 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,993 More than that, it's a supercar 894 00:44:09,027 --> 00:44:11,660 that's virtually indestructible. 895 00:44:18,060 --> 00:44:21,760 That was, I think we all agreed, a fantastic film, yes? 896 00:44:21,793 --> 00:44:23,093 - Yes. - Brilliant. 897 00:44:23,127 --> 00:44:24,627 And a brilliant car as well. 898 00:44:24,660 --> 00:44:27,627 But there's just one tiny little bit of it I want to see again. 899 00:44:27,660 --> 00:44:28,893 Can we... May we? 900 00:44:29,427 --> 00:44:31,427 What a feeling! 901 00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:33,460 I'm a driving god! 902 00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,860 "I am a driving god"? 903 00:44:40,193 --> 00:44:42,460 When you take a dog for a walk, 904 00:44:42,493 --> 00:44:45,060 "I am a dog-walking god!" 905 00:44:46,393 --> 00:44:47,793 It was a big moment. 906 00:44:47,827 --> 00:44:51,027 It's like being in a cartoon in that thing. And yes... 907 00:44:51,060 --> 00:44:53,427 - You got carried away. - I got very carried away. 908 00:44:53,460 --> 00:44:55,860 Okay, I'm not a driving god, all right? 909 00:44:55,893 --> 00:44:57,603 It was a mistake to make that claim. 910 00:44:57,627 --> 00:45:01,693 But I do know someone who is a driving god. 911 00:45:01,727 --> 00:45:05,793 To find out how the Bowler would do on the fearsome Top Gear test track, 912 00:45:05,827 --> 00:45:08,060 ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. 913 00:45:08,093 --> 00:45:10,927 His Holiness, The Stig. 914 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,493 So it's off the line with a bit of wheel spin there 915 00:45:13,527 --> 00:45:14,927 from all four wheels. 916 00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:18,460 Remember, this thing does 0-60 in 4.8 seconds. 917 00:45:18,493 --> 00:45:21,727 Wonder what The Stig's gonna be listening to? 918 00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:25,227 - ♪ Stand by your man. - Oh, dear. Oh, my word! 919 00:45:25,260 --> 00:45:26,827 It doesn't get much worse than that. 920 00:45:26,860 --> 00:45:28,360 ♪ Give him two arms... ♪ 921 00:45:28,393 --> 00:45:30,260 That is grizzly. 922 00:45:30,293 --> 00:45:32,127 Right, it's into Chicago now, 923 00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,460 and by the looks of it there, he's lost it! 924 00:45:35,493 --> 00:45:38,927 No, he's kept it all together. Just listen to that V8. 925 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,960 Clearly The Stig isn't there. 926 00:45:40,993 --> 00:45:42,469 Look, there's a... He's into the Hammerhead 927 00:45:42,493 --> 00:45:44,693 and there's a bit of body roll starting there. 928 00:45:44,727 --> 00:45:48,160 The Stig is really pushing this thing as hard as it's gonna go. 929 00:45:48,193 --> 00:45:50,127 The real test ahead now, of course. 930 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,736 He's gonna be coming up to the Follow Through soon. 931 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,360 And the Bowler, I don't know, is it gonna roll? 932 00:45:54,393 --> 00:45:57,393 It looks surprisingly solid through there, actually. 933 00:45:57,427 --> 00:45:59,060 Very little body roll. 934 00:45:59,093 --> 00:46:01,127 300 horsepower now, 935 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:05,160 belting out onto the straight, he's got, what, just two bends to go now. 936 00:46:05,193 --> 00:46:08,460 And again... Ooh, my word, that is on the edge! 937 00:46:08,493 --> 00:46:10,360 He's gone Gambon Corner ahead of him. 938 00:46:10,393 --> 00:46:12,693 And he's gone off-road! Which is appropriate, I suppose. 939 00:46:12,727 --> 00:46:14,927 And he crosses the line in... 940 00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:16,727 - One minute... - Is it up here? 941 00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:20,427 39.4. 942 00:46:20,460 --> 00:46:22,527 There you go. Now... Hold on a second! 943 00:46:22,627 --> 00:46:25,727 It's not hard to be a driving god, frankly, 944 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:27,627 in a car that slow! 945 00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:31,660 Now look, for a car like that... 946 00:46:31,693 --> 00:46:33,827 That £50,000 car. 947 00:46:33,860 --> 00:46:36,260 ...I think that is pretty impressive. 948 00:46:36,293 --> 00:46:37,969 Actually, I'll grant you, it is impressive. 949 00:46:37,993 --> 00:46:40,236 I was gonna argue. It's in the script I should argue with you, 950 00:46:40,260 --> 00:46:43,027 but I'm not going to 'cause I love that car. 951 00:46:43,060 --> 00:46:45,293 Anyway, that's it for this evening. 952 00:46:45,327 --> 00:46:46,603 - And... - Actually, no, it's not. 953 00:46:46,627 --> 00:46:48,160 That isn't it because... 954 00:46:48,193 --> 00:46:50,460 It seems the driving god has more to say, at this point. 955 00:46:51,460 --> 00:46:52,793 What is it, driving god? 956 00:46:52,827 --> 00:46:54,260 Things I wish I'd never said. 957 00:46:54,293 --> 00:46:55,960 Because, earlier on, 958 00:46:55,993 --> 00:46:59,093 you may remember that Nissan Sunny that I toasted. 959 00:46:59,127 --> 00:47:01,260 Well, while we had the Jet dragster there, 960 00:47:01,293 --> 00:47:05,327 it seemed a shame to burn just one thing I hate. 961 00:47:38,727 --> 00:47:41,760 So, have you got anything else to burn? 962 00:47:41,793 --> 00:47:44,103 - No, that's it. - That's it, all finished. Okay, we can end. 963 00:47:44,127 --> 00:47:46,727 Next week, the show is all about luxury, 964 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,603 spelt with two "g's" in the middle. 965 00:47:48,627 --> 00:47:52,527 So, pull up your Parker Knoll, crack open some Lambrusco, 966 00:47:52,627 --> 00:47:55,360 and settle down for a story we've got on the new Rolls-Royce, 967 00:47:55,393 --> 00:47:57,693 we've got something on one of the Queen's cars, 968 00:47:57,727 --> 00:48:02,160 and we set out to find Britain's fastest political party. 969 00:48:02,193 --> 00:48:03,493 See you then. Good night.